I am so ridiculously sad right now. My husband NEVER listens to what I say, even - and mostly?- the most mundane of daily things. I should probably let it just roll off my back as my AA sponsor keeps telling me to do, but I think being stuck here, stuck and trapped for God knows how much longer makes it hard, often times impossible. I will tell myself to bite my tongue, to count to 10 and then respond softly or not at all, except just the screaming in my head. And it isn;t just me, he doesn't absorb stuff the kids will tell him either. BUT BUT BUT he recalls everything, every little friggin' thing, that his clients say, that his partners utter. Me? His kids? Not so much. It is disrespectful, it is some form of passive-aggressive maybe?

IT. JUST. SUCKS.

I want to be the brass ring.

There is a man who heard me, made me feel not invisible in the slightest. He even memorized my weekly schedule of meetings and karate! He never once said, "When did you mention that?" He listened. He heard. I was validated; my feelings were validated. It was more of a turn-on than anything physical might have been.